Why I Never Play Wii Against Jake.

Jake is stupid good at all video games. I am pretty sure he actually helped those darn little Chinese guys on the commercial invent the Wii games. He sucks at the game for about 1-2 minutes and then owns them..finding basically every little way to score extra points, doing everything perfectly, and winning with the fantastically high, unbeatable score (beatable only by him). I win the first game almost every time..and then Jake shatters my reality beating me relentlessly at all games. Tennis, skydiving, plane flying, bicycling, Frisbee throwing (yes these are all games).

I want to throw things off the deck and punch him in the face..but of course it's not his fault that this is his God-given talent and he is so dang nice. He is truly apologetic because he doesn't enjoy beating me every time because I AM A SORE LOSER WHEN BEATEN EVERY FREAKING TIME. Do I want him to let me win..No, of course not, that would be insulting. I just want him to suck at something naturally. I want to be better than him at ONE THING IN THIS WORLD. I was hoping it was the Wii. It was my last hope. I used to be more fit...not anymore, he can now run faster than me. He is a dude and can pick up heavier things, is taller than me, and gets to spend less time on his appearance because he looks EXACTLY THE SAME WHEN HE GETS UP IN THE MORNING AS HE WOULD AT A DINNER WITH THE POPE! Oh, and he is correcting my punctuation all the time, is better at math AND spelling.

Yes, I am a better Physical Therapist..but only because I haven't let him try it yet. Yes, I am a better cook..because he is lazy at it. Yes, I am prettier...because I am a girl for god's sakes...

It's freaking hopeless. If someone knows something that Jake is not good at I want to know immediately because I need a win in this world pretty badly...but you will have to send me a letter by actual mail because he is better than me at running a computer and will find out and work on it until he can beat me at it.