I have started to post 3 separate times and never finished a one because I have no attention span and spend all of my free time running around like crazy for no reason. Since it has been a while there will be bullet points, short stories and the run on sentences I seem to love so much!
1. Tornadoes- It has been Kansas-riffic here with a little South Carolina twist. Last week we had sirens FOUR days in a row, which was completed with the cherry on the top of a midnight siren. That's enough to make you poop your footy pajamas as you are alone and fumbling for the tv remote in the pitch black to figure out if you are really going to die in your second story apartment or not. I don't know why they waste money on sirens because no one has a damn basement to go to anyway, and no one from Greenwood appears very worried about the tornado situation. The sirens are also accompanied by a bizarro voice explaining what they are and why they are going off. It is comical if it wasn't terrifying. They definitely didn't send the weather people to Merle Teller's storm chaser school because they have a super itchy trigger finger with the siren. They will sound the siren even if the tornado is 20 miles away and moving AWAY from Greenwood. It's sad because our traveling therapists from Massachusetts are totally freaked out. They have only had one tornado in their lifetime and it wiped out a whole town...needless to say they get a little jumpy when they hear thunder. I am the resident expert in tornadoes here since I am from Kansas so that is pretty funny. I hate to tell them that this is a little much even for me.
2. Buddy- "Buddy" is the name of a bulldog that tried to pull me off of my bicycle while I was minding my own business and trying to eat a granola bar a few weeks ago. We were riding in the foothills near the NC border on a really great little bike ride, zipping along when we passed some folks working in their yard. All the sudden out of nowhere this little crumbsnatcher starts to chase me and tries to bite my foot (which is snapped into the pedal and can't move..) so I assume my very best "pack leader/Cesar Milan" voice from the Dog Whisperer and start yelling "No Buddy No!" just using "Buddy" as a generic dog name while I tried to keep my feet away from his grimy little jaws. Turns out the little bastards name WAS Buddy in real life because that is what the obese lady was yelling as she was chasing the Buddy/Hilary/bike/deathtrain down the road. I couldn't help myself and turned around and yelled "You have got to be f'ing kidding me that your dog's name is Buddy" while the little turd was still snapping at my pedal. At which point my friend behind me almost wrecked her bike of laughter. Not sure how the story transferred from being there into writing, but it was pretty funny to watch I was told.
3. Wetsuits are for Fools- I attempted to swim in a wetsuit last week. It was a disaster. The idea would be that it gives you a little more buoyancy and keeps you warm while you are swimming out in the lakes for triathlons. You can only wear them if it's below 74 degrees in the water and they take a little longer to take off, but I have been told it is worth it.
Getting the thing on is totally ridiculous. There is apparently a whole YouTube video devoted to how to properly put on a wetsuit. It take a video to figure it out for Pete's sake. It's not an attractive process either. I tried to tell Jake that I thought mine was too small when I held it up and it looked like it would fit one of the Olsen twins, but he said it was supposed to be tight. There is all sorts of trying to cram your butt into it and then all sorts of crotch pulling to try and get the thing where it goes...like trying to put 15 pounds of stuff into a 10 pound sack. Later, after the whole fiasco was over with, Jake decided that it was probably a size too small which would explain most of the problem. Lucky I married him since he is so smart.
Swimming in the lake is scary. I had only done it one time before, and it was during a race, so I really didn't think about it at the time. You can always touch the bottom in the pool and take a break whenever you want. During the race there is always a kayak nearby you can grab onto if you need to get your life together. Without it, I can see how people can panic and drown. I managed to be wearing a too small wetsuit while attempting to swim, which made it hard to breathe and caused a minor panic attack in the lake. I then had to unzip the wetsuit and swim with it half on and half off back to shore. I was really not thrilled with the situation. PS: Unzipping the wetsuit completely defeats the buoyancy situation and it like swimming with a 10 pound sack of nails around your waist...there was a lot of thrashing and swearing. We finally got out and I poured the gallon of water, fish and turtles out of my wetsuit while everyone else has just a tiny trickle coming out of theirs. Magicalness of Hilary strikes again.
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