I love being a girl.

So my husband spent last week in Kansas and I spent last week thinking of how many different ways I could be killed before he got home and how long it would take anyone to notice. For those of you that know me well that is absolutely no surprise. The unfortunate part is that I had a former police chief for a patient who did nothing to help soothe my fears when I told him my ridiculous overactive imagination. He said that I was smart to worry and it had nothing to do with where you live, but women as a whole need to be careful what they do alone outside when it is dark. Now, you can imagine how many extra pounds of dumbbells got stacked against the front door that night. Wal-Mart became of fun game of: “Which one looks like a serial killer and which ones are trying to not look like a serial killer?” Again, the imagination.

I understand that women are targets because we are generally deemed smaller and helpless. However I know some very small men that I am much tougher than and I don’t see them walking with a buddy to their cars and practically running into their homes from their cars in fear of some psychopath jumping them while they are trying to put their key in their front door. Would it help if I slapped on a mullet and a pencil thin mustache before I carry my groceries into my house? If I had a flat top and a 5 o’clock shadow I would no longer be a target? If it is not the hairy difference what else is there? Is a penis really that scary that it wards off all evil doers? Maybe I can just carry one in my bag and pull it out and wave it at any would be attackers and they would cower and run away…which actually would happen if a crazy lady you were trying to attack was suddenly waving a penis at you. Maybe I can get one that will squirt pepper spray… That would be a million dollar invention.