Funky

It is rainy, about 70 degrees and a beautiful time to lie around and do nothing. I have my last triathlon of the season in two weeks but I have no desire to get off of the couch. ZERO.

I should get off of the couch because I ate my weight in Peanut Butter M&M's today. It was awesomely delicious but somewhat nauseating.

This is all really about khaki pants though...let's not try to hide it. I am currently wearing a pair of pants that I bought my first year out of PT school (more than 5 years) because I have been unable to find additional pants that I like and then intermittently give up on looking out of frustration and spite. These are my favorite pants. They are too big. That is a fact. They are kinda ratty around the bottom. That is a fact. They have a small hole in them at the base of the pocket on one side because that is where the spare button sewn to the inside of the pocket wore through them. That is a fact.

I tried to buy 2 new pairs of khakis this week. I went the mall in Greenville and tried them all on. All too short. But then all the store people snooker me into ordering them online in "Tall". Now, those of you that are short will agree. Those of you that are "regular" are stupid, and I will stomp you will my size 11.5 feet and grab you with my really long arms. "Tall" does not mean that the pants are longer in the leg, no, no. It means that they are also longer in the rise...which I will refer to as "crotch" because it makes me laugh more and the jokes are funnier that way. The regular sized person in the store tells me that I need pants that are "Long" not "Tall" but no one makes those in regular khakis. I can't do all of my crazy job requirements in nice pants, they just get ruined or ripped or get bodily fluids on them. I am seriously going to have to get janitors pants in some sort of a men's size just so it is functional. I digress. Anyway, when I buy pants that are "Tall" and extra long in the rise I develop a near fatal disease called "Captain Long Crotch" which is a terribly disfiguring disease where the pants come up too high on my waist, get all gappy in the back, the crotch sags down to mid thigh and the pockets stick out like I am stuffed into them like a sausage despite the fact the pants are entirely too big. What an awesome deal! I am hot! That is why it is fatal...because I want to jump from a high building when I see my reflection.

So that was one pair of the "perfect" pants the folks helped me order. The second pair was my own fault. I assumed since the had the same name (why do styles of pants get people's names at some stores?) they would fit the same as the pants I already had and liked of the same name. Following? I even called up the company and quizzed the girl about what size I should order. Up or down? She assured me they would be fantastic. So I eagerly tear open the box and attempt to put them on. Did they send me a child's pants? Did I order from a leprechaun store? AAAAARRRGGHH! Jake then walks in the room and laughs because it looks like I stole the pants from a 10 year old, they were so tiny...but ironically EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER PANTS.

So I quit. I got up this morning and ironed my "Crappiest Pants In the World" and proudly wore them to work...with my trail running shoes and some sort of belt that you thread through two half circles that I mess up sometimes (Nikki just had a stroke). That will teach society. Make it too hard and this is what you get.

Luckily they are too big because there was extra room for M&M's...Bitsy loves M&M's...