Along Came Hilary.

Here are several gems of the day.
1. "Do not feed my dog more than 2 raw hide bones a day or his farts will be so bad you will want to cry." We had some friends over today helping Jake run some sort of wiring for something and I actually had to bring it up to them so that they didn't think it was me ripping them silently while we watched the KSU game. I am amazed that he can just lie there asleep and drop napalm bombs. He must be laughing his butt off inside his little doggie brain.

2. "If a toilet looks plugged up, don't flush it." Directly followed by: "You know the architecture of your home is super awesome when your toilet overflows and it comes out of an overhead vent in your foyer onto your dog's head". He was super confused. Maybe that is why he is acting out with the farting.

There is a scene in a movie called "Along Came Polly" where Ben Stiller stands praying over an overflowing toilet...that has been me twice since we moved into this house. Not in the 30 years before this have I ever had a toilet overflow. I do not know how to operate a plunger. I do not know better than to try and flush it when it looks clogged. I do not know how to stop it from overflowing. I do know how to run through the house screaming and swearing as the water pours out everywhere.

I should have known better. I thought I knew how to stop it. I thought I learned from the first one. I held down the flapper, I was ready with the plunger, but the water wouldn't stop rising. Then I realized that the plunger was a moot point after the water starts to rise because you can plunge without slopping the water everywhere. And with all the slopping, if a turd is dislodged then what? I'll tell you what, there is a loose turd in your bathroom or on the floor and one of Jake's friends is helping him string cable and how do you explain that scene..so no plunger. Then before I could consider it any further it was over, the water had reached the top and was going everywhere, so I grab all of the mats in the room..oh yeah, all the time yelling like a crazy woman. So all the banshee screaming finally gets Jake's attention and he shows up, just in time to have the toilet spontaneously flush itself and suck all the extra water (that was not already all over the floor)back down and resolve the problem itself...except then it was pouring out of the ceiling in the foyer...hmmmm. Luckily all of the overflow was clean water (or as clean as it gets coming out of a toilet)so it wasn't a total disaster of loose turds and teepee everywhere. So that was my morning.