Along Came Hilary.

Here are several gems of the day.
1. "Do not feed my dog more than 2 raw hide bones a day or his farts will be so bad you will want to cry." We had some friends over today helping Jake run some sort of wiring for something and I actually had to bring it up to them so that they didn't think it was me ripping them silently while we watched the KSU game. I am amazed that he can just lie there asleep and drop napalm bombs. He must be laughing his butt off inside his little doggie brain.

2. "If a toilet looks plugged up, don't flush it." Directly followed by: "You know the architecture of your home is super awesome when your toilet overflows and it comes out of an overhead vent in your foyer onto your dog's head". He was super confused. Maybe that is why he is acting out with the farting.

There is a scene in a movie called "Along Came Polly" where Ben Stiller stands praying over an overflowing toilet...that has been me twice since we moved into this house. Not in the 30 years before this have I ever had a toilet overflow. I do not know how to operate a plunger. I do not know better than to try and flush it when it looks clogged. I do not know how to stop it from overflowing. I do know how to run through the house screaming and swearing as the water pours out everywhere.

I should have known better. I thought I knew how to stop it. I thought I learned from the first one. I held down the flapper, I was ready with the plunger, but the water wouldn't stop rising. Then I realized that the plunger was a moot point after the water starts to rise because you can plunge without slopping the water everywhere. And with all the slopping, if a turd is dislodged then what? I'll tell you what, there is a loose turd in your bathroom or on the floor and one of Jake's friends is helping him string cable and how do you explain that scene..so no plunger. Then before I could consider it any further it was over, the water had reached the top and was going everywhere, so I grab all of the mats in the room..oh yeah, all the time yelling like a crazy woman. So all the banshee screaming finally gets Jake's attention and he shows up, just in time to have the toilet spontaneously flush itself and suck all the extra water (that was not already all over the floor)back down and resolve the problem itself...except then it was pouring out of the ceiling in the foyer...hmmmm. Luckily all of the overflow was clean water (or as clean as it gets coming out of a toilet)so it wasn't a total disaster of loose turds and teepee everywhere. So that was my morning.

Catching Up!

Hey there folks. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods and your New Year is off to a fabulous start. Mine is lovely so far. I have so much to catch everyone up on so this will be a "Magic Bullet" post. An attempt at a fast summation of many points...everyone knows I am terrible at telling stories in a short fashion, so just put up with it and pretend it was short. And for extra fun, these are not going to be in any particular order. Here goes...

*Bartlesville- actually has a bunch of cutural stuff. It's amazing. There is a Mozart Festival,huge regional theater, ballet company, orchestra, whole deal. It's pretty cool. We won free tickets to "Broadway in Bartlesville" last week. The way we got tickets was pretty funny. We took a bunch of packing paper to the Humane Society and met a really nice guy who was the director. He started chatting us up and asked us if we would like to register for "some tickets for cats", and that "no one else had registered so you would definitely win"..Jake and I don't want any damn cats. We both stared at one another and tried to find a way out of it, until the guy explain that the tickets were for "Cats" the broadway show that would be in Bartlesville. So that was funny and we registered for them while watching someone with meth teeth try to adopt an animal while the humane society person tried to find a reason not the give it to them. We got a call that we won them last week and had a great time. We went to the show and then to a really cool bar at the top of a building that was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. It was a great evening.

Oh, and by the way.."Cats" is really just about cats..there is no other meaning or deep plot. I had seen other Broadway shows and there is usually a plot. Don't waste your time trying to figure out what "Jellicle cats" are because it's hopeless. You never find out.

*Christmas- Due the other things going on in life we spent Christmas in South Carolina without our families. It turned out really well though as we had a few great friends that weren't going anywhere either, so we just spent the time together like a makeshift family. I cooked Thanksgiving dinner on Christmas, which made me really happy since I worked on Thanksgiving, and ate Pavlova for the first time. It is an AWESOME meringue dessert that is native to New Zealand, but that my Austrailian friend insists is native to Austrailia.

*Moving- What a total fiasco...but not so bad because it is always going to be non-ideal. We got on the road super late due to the retardation of the loading crew. My husband was awesome and drove the whole way as we were pulling my jeep and it was totally pouring the whole way. He is a saint..yet again.

*Ike- Doing great in his first real yard. It is actually fenced in so we can just put him out there. It took a lot of work to convince him that yards aren't just for pooping in, that fun can happen there..so now he begs to go out so he can stare inside while holding he frisbee in his mouth and looking pathetic. Then he decides that you aren't letting him in and lays down 1 inch outside the door looking pathetic so there is no possible way you can accidentally leave him out there.

All right. I am totally tired. Giving it up for the night. PS: we are supposed to get some sort of really awesome ice storm at the end of this week. I am really glad we live in the Midwest again...Crap.

Insomnia

So, it is 3 a.m. and I am on the computer. Generally not good. I am not sure what is keeping me from sleeping lately, but it's doing a fantastic job. I don't start work until Wednesday, so it makes me nuts that I can't sleep because I could sleep all I want..until Wednesday. Crap.

I have heavy duty blog catch up to do right now, but I am not sure that my thoughts would be organized enough to be worth reading!

My parents came over the weekend and helped us put a big dent in getting the house together. It's nice to have another set of hands and eyes for sure. You get to the point where you are just wandering around in the boxes and not sure what to do next! Jake's parents are coming next weekend to bring Ike back to us and see the new digs. It will be fun to see what Ike thinks of the new fenced in yard and significant increase in living space!

So Luckily That Worked Out..

So the fantastic house in the last blog post ended up needing a new roof, so there was a moment of "AAAAHHHH" when we realized the whole deal could explode. Luckily, we found out last night that everything was on, and we close on January 4th! Hurray! It is a relief to know that there is somewhere to put our furniture when it arrives in Bartlesville.

We are here through Christmas, and I have decorated the apartment up like Christmas exploded so it doesn't seem so sad to be without our families. We are also very lucky to have some good friends that are going to be here too, so we are going to have a mish-mash of traditions together to make our own holiday. Should be a lot of fun. Then four days later we leave. I am working up to the 11th hour so that the rest of the staff can have some time off, and we can pay to have someone else pack up our junk so Jake and I can stay married. I feel like moving yourself more than 2 times should be strongly advised against if you still want to speak to one another!

This whole thing is wild to think about. One week is Christmas, 10 days we move, then Jake and I will roll into Lindsborg on New Year's eve with a car pulling a car, just in time to par-tay. I have a fantastically awesome wedding to attend on January 2nd, then head to B-ville on that Monday to take possession of our freshly roofed house. WHEW! No wonder I am having more trouble relaxing right now than I usually do. Good thing I have plenty of distractions with the holidays and work, otherwise I would be an even bigger mess!

So This is Where We Are Going to Live

So Jake and I finally bought a house. In Bartlesville, Oklahoma...

Yep, the Worcesters are taking this show on the road again! We should be settling in by the second week of January. Here we go again, another chapter in the adventure!

Thanksgiving at the Waffle House

Every year I have to work a holiday in the hospital Physical Therapy department. In the past I had gotten away with working 4th of July and Labor Day...so this year my internal guilt meter forced me stop being a bum and pick one of the "real" holidays. I ended up with Thanksgiving.

The idea of therapy over the holidays and on weekends is a noble one. We should provide therapy 365 days a year to the folks who have to be in the hospital. I am skilled and my services are needed to help them get to return home to their friends and families...but someone should tell the patients that. They all looked at me like I was nuts when I told them my plans for their physical betterment on Turkey Day. Luckily my charm is irresistible and they all loved me by the end, but it was touch and go initially with all of them! That is why I love being an outpatient PT, I don't have to talk anyone into therapy. On a regular day when I work in outpatient, patients just showing up to PT is an indication that they want to participate. In the hospital I have to go in there like a guy selling dirt to a bird and try and con them into participating. I am a bad salesman, that is a fact. It is especially hard for me with the 95 year old folks...If I don't want to get out of bed at 95, I expect to be left alone because I am NINETY-FREAKING-FIVE and have lived long enough to get to make all my own decisions.

Anyway, I conned my way through and survived my holiday! Which was good because we were driving to Nashville for Thanksgiving with Jake's family. I had to work until early afternoon, so we didn't get out of here until around 2pm. So, obviously we weren't going to complete the 8 hour drive in time for Thanksgiving dinner (which we were having on Friday anyway). Where to eat, where to eat? How about just a drive through so we can keep going? Nope, no dice all closed. Well, there's a Waffle House...that will have to do. Holy crap. The staff and patrons were competing for the "who can be crazier" award. I can see why these folks were spending Thanksgiving in the Chattanooga Waffle House..their families are all in jail for running meth labs or jacking cars. Honestly, it was a little depressing. I knew that my family was together having fun and Jake's family was together having fun, and even my co-workers in Greenwood were together having fun...and luckily I was with Jake because it was not really that much fun.

Anyway, it ended up being a great time once we got to Nashville, so it was all worth it. We spent time with Jake's family, went to see the movie "The Blind Side" which was totally fantastic, and had a great Thanksgiving meal. We got the Christmas card picture taken for the Worcesters and then Jake and I decided to try and get a picture with Ike the dog. Ike had been running around wild for two days being an "outdoor dog" so it was a bit of a challenge. By "outdoor dog" I mean he had spent about 4 hours a day running around outside like a banshee, and an additional 2 hours staring in the house fogging up the windows, and the remaining 18 hours sleeping inside because he was so exhausted. So we wrangled him up, found a good spot, held him down, and got him in a picture. I will try to post it because it is hysterical. Ike did the best job of any of us..Jake and I are being blinded by the sun somehow. Only after the picture does Jake's aunt tell us that we took our picture while standing in their Pet Cemetery...No wonder Ike didn't want anything to do with it...

Just Say "NO" to Cowboy Pinball

So, this is a post I started a month ago or so and forgot about finishing it. The story is worth telling though.

If anyone ever walks up to you and says: "Hey there, I will give you $100 if you will play cowboy pinball with me", just walk away...or maybe run.

Bull riding came to Greenwood the week before Thanksgiving. It was totally worth the $10 price of admission. We went with a bunch of friends that knew little to nothing about rodeo. That was fun for sure. They are all from New England and really were freaked out by the whole thing. The most bizarre things happened between the go-rounds when there were "halftime activities". Different than the half-court shot, but basically the same ideas:

1. "Fill up your pants with change" game- I don't know what the actual name is, but the idea is that the clowns have a giant wheelbarrow filled with $1,000 in change and the contestant gets to keep all of the change that can fit in their pants. So ends up that the lady that got picked is very attractive with quite snugly fitting pants...clowns came out of the woodwork to help load up her jeans. She allegedly had ONE minute, but they let it go on pretty long because she was jumping up and down excessively and what bunch of rodeo clowns don't want to watch a hot chick jump up and down?

2. "Cowboy Pinball"- This one is a dozy. Jake and I had never actually seen it, but had heard about it from last year's rodeo. The clowns drew 30 circles made of flour in the arena, took 30 of the craziest people you have ever met, and let them stand in the circles while they released a bull into the arena. The bull then runs around the arena scaring/pushing/ snotting on people pushing them out of their circles. The idea is whoever is the last person still in their circle wins.

This is all made more interesting by the fact that one of the traveling therapists decided to take part. Dave. Dave is awesome. He is a big dude from New York with a backwards Notre Dame hat and a totally great attitude about life. He will also do ANYTHING for money. And $100 was enough to get him to sign himself up for Cowboy Pinball much to the chagrin of his girlfriend (another traveling therapist). She had a friend who became a quadriplegic after he went running with the bulls in Spain...we didn't really know that when we were egging Dave on to go jump in the ring. Whoops.

Anyway, so big tough Dave is standing cool as a cucumber in the ring when the bull starts running through the group. Dave got pushed out of the ring early, but it was the clowns fault and we all went nuts so they put him back in. He made is down the the last 4 and then the bull ran right at him. So Dave tried to forearm shiver the bull and set his feet in the ground...but the bull kept pushing and shoved him out of his circle. Sadness. But then they regrouped and let really mean bulls with big horns out on the remaining 3 idiots so Dave was fine he got out when he did.

We were all "horse" from yelling and Dave was covered in bull snot on one arm, but now has a really great story for the folks back home!

Oysters and Thai food

Two of my favorite SC foods are steamed oysters and Thai food. I had both last weekend and am currently hungry..so that is what I am writing about. The steamed oysters are very SC, and Thai food is not...but we never had Thai until we moved here and now we eat it a bunch..so that counts for today.

I seriously never touched oysters until we moved here. I was terrified of them. I was convinced that all food poisoning was from eating "bad oysters" and that I would die from the grotty texture. I couldn't have been more wrong. They keep pretty well for up to 4 days after coming out of the water if kept in the right conditions, taste just just like the ocean, and are an awesome vehicle for any type of cuisine you wish to dress them up as.

All the above being said, I don't eat them raw. That is just too much. I need enough heat to stabilize the texture and make the shell open just enough to get the knife in. You can totally ruin them by overcooking them even a little. Chewy little hockey pucks. Undercooked is better than overcooked..just like steak. Shucking an oyster is a hysterical process..not like steak..trying to get yourself a steak from the animal would not be awesome.. You are trying to open a shell that's only job in life is to not let you in. It's really half the fun. The other half of the fun is figuring out what should go on them. You can make them bbq on the grill with a sweet and sour sauce; make them high class with the Rockefeller action; garlic butter is pretty awesome; but I love the old standby...old school. On a saltine or in the shell, cocktail sauce, lemon, hot sauce. Always a varying combination of the above, but always all in one bite. You can't two bite and oyster, that's just asking for trouble on several levels. You also shouldn't chew it a bunch, it's just a weird choice. It's not Laffy Taffy, it's barely a solid.

The whole activity is a very communal thing. Our friend was in Charleston and went to the pier to get them..we didn't realize how many she was getting. "A bushel" doesn't really sound like 50 pounds when you say it...it is when Jake drags them up the stairs like freaking Santa Claus. It was unreal how many we got. We could have done it a little more smartly, but then what's the fun? So anyway, we got a bunch of folks around a table, fixed really easy sides that you could eat with your hands, dumped the oysters out in big bowls on a table covered in newspaper, and got to shucking them. It's a messy, wonderful scavenger hunt for the biggest oyster as the shells pile up. The only unfortunate thing about shucking your own is that the clean up is a disaster unless you are eating outside. Doing it in an apartment is a terrible idea...but we did it anyway..that is how we are.

I talked so much about the oysters that I am freaking starving and so Thai food is not going to get any attention. It is my favorite because it has hot and sweet together in all sorts of combinations, and Jake always orders it "Thai Hot"..which is code for "Stupid Hot" and the Thai guy taking the order always laughs at him, and them comes back and laughs at him more later as we all watch him sweat all over his bald head!

If you had told me two years ago that my two favorite food in South Carolina would be oysters and Thai food, I would have never believed you. I think that this has been a wonderful adventure as Jake and I have no security blankets here, and therefore no reason to NOT try anything. We are also the instigators around here with our friends. We introduce people to these things that we have come to love (or at least tolerate) and that is a totally different type of fun. So, when we come back and invite you over for oysters or out for Thai food, just come along...it's probably going to be a good time.

Go Bananas Go Go Bananas!

Jake and I like to pretend that we like bananas. We buy them at the store regularly, we have them on the counter top well in reach for healthy snacking, potassium is good for you, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so there is a very small window for when bananas are delicious. It it seriously about a day in a half. Once they hit brown, no one here will eat them...but we pretend we will. So they sit there until they are really rank, and then the pioneer in me won't let them go to waste and I put them in the freezer so I can one day make them into banana bread. Then one Tuesday night I find I can no longer put actual food in my freezer because of all the dead bananas I am saving.

After a marathon night of baking, I now I have 6 loaves of banana bread..some of which should go into the freezer...WHAT? I haven't solved my problem. Crap!

Fall Freaking Not Fabulous

Fall this year is ugly here. I feel cheated. We wait extra long for fall here of course, so I patiently waited my turn for the leaves to start to change. We have a really pretty tree right outside our door that turns the BEST shade of red during fall, like it is on fire. However, due to some sort of unsettling tree weather/happiness/poor self-esteem, the trees all decided to not change colors and then just drop their leaves in a pile. It's like opening an empty box on your birthday. Sadness. I waited my turn, didn't pay attention to the other trees because it was so pretty here last year, and now what? Nuttin'...

Worth the Work!

The outpatient department I work in (Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy) won the Outpatient Satisfaction Award for last quarter. Now, that means that we had the highest scores of any other outpatient department in the hospital on the surveys that we send out to our patients asking them to grade us on their experiences. I am just pretty darn excited. I am so pumped to tell the staff about it. Their hard work will be recognized and rewarded! Hurrah!

Halloween Costumes

So Jake and I went as "old people". Sounds like really boring outfits, but we wet all the way. Jake had a comb over wig, and I had a moo-moo and a gray "bun" wig. Jake had the tackiest shirt WalMart had to offer, and some really great clashing sweatpants to match. We had a great time. I make a really great grumpy old lady. I yelled "Dammit" a lot because I have decided that is what old ladies yell at the kids that mess up their yards or knock over their trashcans. At least, that is what they usually yelled at me...

Power Tools and Pumpkins

We had an excellent time last night carving pumpkins with some friends. I got tired of using the wimpy little knives that came with the carving kits and so I thought outside of the box a bit. So Jake and I busted out the jigsaw and drill left over from our home remodeling days and went all "This Old House" on those poor pumpkins. It was amazing how much faster you can carve a pumpkin with the assistance of electricity... Unfortunately we didn't get any good pictures last night. We might try again later so be ready.

My Current Favorite Things

1. The "Superfreak" commercial for Visa debit is my new favorite commercial..and the only one I will not fast forward through with my amazingly awesomely powerful DVR remote. "Let your freak flag fly".
2. The show "Modern Family" on ABC is the funniest show I have seen in several years. I see flashes of myself in the neurotic one...not unusual unfortunately.
3. If you get on YouTube and search for "popping a cyst" you will get hours of entertainment and an upset stomach. Thank you Travis.
4. My dog likes to use his limitless mental powers to make me give him part of my sandwich.
5. I want to learn how to upholster furniture...or at least a chair. I accidentally watched someone do that on TV and it looked so easy.

So there you go.

Fall? What the heck?

So it has been freaking freezing here. Which wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been so freaking hot for the past 3 months. I scraped my car of frost this morning and am currently running the heat in the apartment. Although we didn't have to run the heat over the weekend as the lady that lives below us runs her heat at approximately 95 degrees. Apparently, she got it hot enough over the weekend to not have to run it the rest of the week.

So the grass is still green, the leaves haven't changed, and I am freezing my butt off. Magical. Although I do appreciate not pitting out my shirts before I get to work in the mornings. Fall is a little sad because by the time it gets nice enough to be outside in the evenings the days are really short.