Sunday, June 29, 2008

Redneck Riviera

We just got out of the car after camping at the beach this weekend. It was a great time! We were able to camp at the state park that was within walking distance of the beach and wedged right in the middle of all of the high rise hotels. It was surreal to turn around on the beach to look at the camp and see giant buildings rising up just to the side. Camping is a whole bizarre situation there. I didn't realize that camping was a lucrative business but there are several "campgrounds" right on the beach, which is also right on a highway, which is also right by hotel/resorts on the beach. They all had a strange pirate reference in the name, as did every miniature golf course and gentlemen's club.

I didn't know when we chose our destination, but someone told us it is sometimes referred to as the "Redneck Riviera". I do understand it now. It is very "state fair" with a random group of people who are all on vacation, and don't really care about much else. Very different from the other places we have been on the coast. It made for some of the most tremendous people watching.

The campsite was pretty neat. It never fails to surprise me the wide variety of "camping" present at a place. There were folks in giant motor homes that were not roughing it at all, then there were tents with an air conditioner propped up outside, then there were the four of us sweating our rears off in our tents with the rain covers on because it kept pretending it was going to rain. Cooking over a fire is also a rough idea when it is already 90 degrees out with 80% humidity...but I digress. There were also folks that had been there for months and had little mailbox signs with their names and had landscaped little areas with Astroturf and wind chimes. I would be annoyed by all other campers if I were one of the "long term" folks. There were some normal looking campers and then there were some very real rednecks. I mean that as a means of classification, like "hippies", not in any sort of derogatory fashion. There are characteristics that can commonly be attributed to being a redneck (primarily male) and they are as follows: very long hair that is not contained by a ponytail band, large beer belly with very skinny legs or tapeworm thin (either way) with very ill fitting swim shorts that have some sort of beer logo, "Buttweiser" t-shirt at a restaurant (actually picture of ladies rears in thongs reading "BUTTWEISER, KING OF REARS"- at the waffle house this morning), Natural Light beer in any situation, or any sort of running around without a shirt or shoes in public. I think the only classification for women is that if your male counterpart meets any of the prior criteria you yourself are a redneck as well.

We spent all day yesterday at the beach. It was gorgeous but windy. We rented an umbrella and got to nap in the shade after the ocean beat us up until it got so windy that all the umbrellas had to be put away. The greatest thing on the beach was watching a lifeguard who spoke terrible English attempt to communicate with folks who couldn't understand why he was so stupid and didn't speak better English. I do think it should be some sort of a requirement that the people in charge of keeping you safe should be able to effectively communicate in case there is some sort of a problem but none the less it was funny. They closed the beach because of the wind and his job was to get folks out of the water...he was terrible at it. He didn't want to blow his whistle because then he would have to talk to folks, so he just stared at them and followed them up and down the beach trying to use ESP to keep them from getting in. I wanted to grab his whistle, blow it really hard, tell everyone to get out of the water and let that be it...his nervous pacing was ruining my relaxing.

The beach was beautiful but totally weird as there were no restaurants within a 2 mile walking distance except for one crappy one that people only went to because it was the only one. I have no clue where the rest of the crazy fools were eating, but it wasn't on the beach. It was so strange. Miles of giant hotels, crappy motels, and random inns with crazy names, but no food.

There were some unique camping situations that made me laugh. I wore shoes in the shower for the first time since I lived in the dorms and had the thrill of watching several people with RV's emptying the chemical toilets at the front of the park (I feel like you should have to take that with you...) and resisted the desire to yell "Shitters full?" like cousin Eddy on Christmas Vacation. Camping is definitely a lot of work. We went with some fun folks and had a great time. We went to sleep every night really tired for sure. I am looking at a giant pile of nasty, dirty stuff on a sheet in my living room and figure I will go to sleep tired again tonight.

I would consider this experience "camping light", and we will see where the next adventure takes us! For those of you wondering, "camping light" means not having to poop outside. Dodged a bullet this time!

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